Arena Attendee Gifts

"Oh no! Oh no! Oh no! Oh no!"

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

"Well there's no way I'm going to say 'whom'!"

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

'They're being damn noisy in the hospitality box next door,'

"Great news, I've booked you two stag nights, a hen party and fourteen solemn thanksgiving services for members of the theatrical profession"

Mass Travel

'Honest, sir. I'm sorry! I take it all back.'

Nothing puts the flavor in a hot dog like a sports event.

Atheist Convention: 'I don't believe it!'

"I know I was ecstatic to get tickets for Glastonbury - it's just that now I realise I have to go."

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

Been a while since I've seen such a high scoring game!

Armless chainsaw juggler.

"Your party just totally blew us away."

'I don't see how you can put your profession as TV star just because you were in the crowd of Match of the Day!'

You think you're good, eh? Okay, you've got the lost and found windo at the Kleptomaniac's Convention.

"I couldn't actually see the band but here's a photo of them on the person in front of me's phone."

Upbeat conversation/downbeat conversation.

Antiques for Oldies: Squeal Now.

Non-Jewish Events and Jewish Events

"I couldn't find the giant scissors."

Lost and found at a magician's convention

'This is Hargreaves - he's in charge of corporate hospitality.'

"May the good Lord bless this Town Council for the revival of our religious invocations. We thank Thee in the name of Jesus Christ!"

Stadium usher of the month.

Prelude to 1892 Election

"I reckon that Christian Aid lot are pushing them anabolic steroids!"

'I hope it's a quick knockout, I'm double parked.'

Olympic Catering: 'A small coffee please.'

Manager: 'EXCELLENT promoting Jan! It's another RECORD crowd!'

Mr. Maynard, had you heard that Sean Hannity is coming to the Civic Auditorium? Naturally. I have two tickets to his speech. Would you like to join me? Would you like me to join you? Of course. That's why I asked. Good, then my ticket will be free. Well played, stingy entrepreneur. You're kind to notice.

'There is always the chance that you won't be invited.'

'She's just ring through - held up at the hairdressers.'