Aquatic Conversationalist Gifts

"I was caught and released. But according to news reports, I remain a fish of interest."

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"I've never had a bird's eye view of anything."

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

"If it's a series of patterned clicks, I'm not here."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

"Defense budget... Do you have any idea how much catnip $700 billion would buy?"

"I knew we should have gotten the shorter tree."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

Guide fish.

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'He's trying to talk them into giving themselves up!'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Don't do it - they're trying to beat us at our own game."

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I don't care how smart you think you are, you're still a bird brain.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

"Killer? Is that what they call us? Eh don't say killer tiger or killer charm or killer wolf."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

"... and the fact that I ain't never caught a rabbit should have no bearing on our friendship."

"I'm expected for dinner around seven. Other than that I'm completely free."

"Sofia, right? You hung out in the back of Professor Dillof’s anatomy lectures."

'This month I'll be cooked & my bones ripped apart in a wishing contest.'

Another hot flash?

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'