Aquarium Keeping Gifts

"You can be anything you want to be - no limits."

"Look, children are just pathetic substitutes for people who can't have pets."

'There goes the world's largest fish.'

"Clear!"

'This is the substitute stress-medication your insurance company approved. Just watch them for a couple hours a day, and you should feel good as new.'

"Well, any plans for the weekend so far?"

"Seriously?!"

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'He's starting to ask what sushi is.'

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

Fishing in the aquarium.

'Hello Stranger'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"Just one work, son, 'Acquaculture'."

Fish been here and done that.

'At least when he opens his mouth he doesn't say something stupid.'

'It started with the remoras, but then I picked up a catfish, a few rays, an eel, some perch...'

"How can you be an atheist? There he is, right there!"

"How many times do I have to tell you to stay inside the bowl?"

www.GoldFishHunters.Org

The Man Who Loved His Fish Too Much.

'Stop asking questions and get down here with the instrument...'

Free Piranha (owner has hooks for hands).

"Honey, did you specify 'fish' tank, on our Ebay order?"

"What, you too now?"

'We have met the anemone... and he is us!'

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

'How's your octopus?'

'Thank goodness they've put us in the TV-room: Can you imagine how boring it would be otherwise...'

'Well, at least the landlord can't complain about a flat fish!'

'It's OK. It's halibut.' 'OK. It's Hal. But what?' 'He's still a fish!'

Alternate Views of Life

I ask you: How can putting us in a glass bowl with plastic plants be entertaining to them?

Goatfish

"The fish was from the wild and apparently something was wrong with the water. . . you should have added microplastics, some waste oil and industrial effluent."