Approaching Retirement Gifts

'Have you thought about aging slower? Your 401(k) is in terrible shape.'

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

Department of Work and No Pension

Private pension scheme not expected to do as well as originally anticipated - please help!

"It's ten o'clock. Do you know where your 401k is?"

'Don't get me started about the poor...because of them I can't afford to retire.'

'Forget retirement, will I have enough to keep gas in my car?'

"How long is it now to your retirement, Potter?"

"He's been doing the number-crunching ever since he saw the budget forecast..."

'Should you wait until 70 to retire? Are you feeling lucky?'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

I'm not retired yet...I'm just practicing.

'George, is our retirement portfolio turning you into a 'pessioptimist'?'

"It's never too late to improve the deficit in your retirement savings - ever considered a life of crime?"

"I was going to retire, but the thought of spending more time with my family changed my mind."

'Fortune telling/retirement planning'

"Jim was determined to make the right decisions about his pension. He insisted on studying all the options, hundreds of them..."

They want us to work longer...

"Your job is safe - at least until you're too old to be hired for another job but not so old that you can retire."

'So far you have enough to smell a rose or two, but not enough to come to a complete stop and smell the roses.'

"Working with the elderly presents a LOT of problems...but she's not allowed to retire until she's 83!"

Newspaper reads: Retirement age raised -

'No pension, no problem.'

Old man finds an IOU note in a safe marked 'social security trust funds'.

'It looks like your pension gap is finally catching up with us!'

'Newburg must be getting close to retirement - he's not easy to intimidate anymore.'

The Pension Dashboard

"Are you expecting a hearse, Eric?"

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

"SHEESH. What will it be like when I'm eighty?!"

RIP Retirement In Peace

'We don't offer a retirement plan, but when you turn 65, no more required overtime!'

"It's a collection for old Tom Jones who retires in two years time. He said he would rather have it now."

"Can I get a raise before I have to apply for social security?"