Appreciates Analytical Humor Pillows

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

Shakespeare Project

D. H. Lawrence

Anthony Trollope

"And this little poet cried ennui, ennui, ennui, all the way home."

Acupuncture.

'I think you'd enjoy it even more if you understood Newton's Laws of Motion.'

'I am a robot sent from the future to stop you from creating the vampire characters. They're ruining our movies.'

"Do you have a minute for a problem whose solution has eluded humanity since the dawn of civilization?"

"His is a thought experiment."

"I've been invited to address a conference of professors of twentieth-century American literature who are sleeping with their students."

'Formerly, 'Regular' and 'Extra-Strength'.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

Cloning departments

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

The Ultimate Self-Help Book! - How to write self-help books.

"Devin agrees with the president. Americans are dreamers too."

'Just as I suspected, you don't have a serious bone in your body.'

'So much for a simple and elegant solution.'

'I could kill for a good cup of coffee now.'

"Wow...tough crowd."

"Dad's got an imaginary friend too, he's called Techincal support"

'Why do I go out with a short, fat, bald guy like you? Well for one thing, you make me look good.'

'I know they're both World reknowned scientists, but your application with references from both your mum and your grandma is highly amusing...'

Dean's Office. Because you're looking for a fiction writing teacher, I assumed you'd look favorably upon a creatively padded resume.