Appreciates Analytical Humor Pillows

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

Captain Corcoran, Commander of H.M.S. Pinafore

"I was going to tell you it's a jungle out there, but I realize that's probably old news to you."

"I'm telling you, those are not abs!"

'I've been coming to Kindergarten every day for two weeks!-- When do I get paid?'

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

"Oh my goodness. My lecture on John Donne has just been awarded Most Pizzazzy Metaphysical Lecture of the Year."

'Do you want your pie-chart with everything?'

Shakespeare Project

D. H. Lawrence

Anthony Trollope

"And this little poet cried ennui, ennui, ennui, all the way home."

'I am a robot sent from the future to stop you from creating the vampire characters. They're ruining our movies.'

'I think you'd enjoy it even more if you understood Newton's Laws of Motion.'

Acupuncture.

"Do you have a minute for a problem whose solution has eluded humanity since the dawn of civilization?"

"I've been invited to address a conference of professors of twentieth-century American literature who are sleeping with their students."

"His is a thought experiment."

'Formerly, 'Regular' and 'Extra-Strength'.'

'You have a choice. An ultra-expensive medication that may cure you but has the side-effect of bankruptcy, OR a low-priced medication with a side-effect of a near-death experience.'

Cloning departments

'How do you stop a fish from smelling?'

"Devin agrees with the president. Americans are dreamers too."

'Just as I suspected, you don't have a serious bone in your body.'

The Ultimate Self-Help Book! - How to write self-help books.

'So much for a simple and elegant solution.'

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

"Wow...tough crowd."

"Dad's got an imaginary friend too, he's called Techincal support"

"Thanks a LOT, Ray. I thought I had very clearly said 'Don't make me laugh!'"

Eddy passes the tax officials exam.

Center for the Study of the Economic R Word.

'I know they're both World reknowned scientists, but your application with references from both your mum and your grandma is highly amusing...'