Appreciates Irony In Humor Pillows

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'... But, wouldn't that be kind of like, cannibalism?'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"Don't think of it as getting fired. Think of it as finally being recognized for your incompetence."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.