Loves Irony Pillows

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'You must be the one interested in the job as a temp?'

"I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you right back?"

A man throws a stick for a dog to hang himself.

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

Kids, stay in school!

Clancy: The Treatment I Deserve

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Welcome Association of Stage Builders.

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

'I've had a few short stories published, but I'd really like to write 'the Great American How to Write a Novel.''

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"