Enjoys Irony Pillows

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Mac's Bait and Sushi Shop

'You know bank pens never work. Why didn't you write the holdup note before we left?!'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

'You were right, you are in the placebo group.'

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

"That's an early Vermeer, very early."

Priest's x-ray showing his crucifix.

"When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one person to dissolve the marital bonds which have connected her with another..."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

Perfection Troubleshootors.

"The house next door is slated for demolition, but your house is in the way."

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

In 1682 in a remote cave in the Ural Mountains, Heinrick Glaston discovers irony.