Appetizers Gifts

I say if life gives you tapens, make tapenade.

The wonderful world of cheese.

'The following program is intended for beer bellied, sports crazed, couch potatoes!'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

"I'm eating baklava through my balaclava!"

"I believe I'll skip the appetizer. I ate the flowers."

"The bagels are better in New York."

Sinking Sand

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

'I think someone's asking to go out.'

Devilled Eggs

'Will we ever get a morning-after pill for over-eating?'

"I changed my mind about eloping with you, Billy....my mother didn't fix broccoli for dinner after all!"

"Okay, okay - next time I'll spring the trap and you grab the cheese."

'Hors-D'oeuvre, Madam?'

"We're out of empanadas!"

"I recommend the pimento loaf with pickle. It's bursting with umami."

Kitchen - Sign reads 'Out of Hors D'Oeuvres.'

(Omi God! Pigs in a blanket!)

"We grind our own catnip."

'Any more napkins, Hon? Annie's got cone leakage.'

"I don't understand it - no matter how much I drink coffee, play on my phone, refresh my e-mail, look up things online, go to the kitchen for snacks, message my friends, scroll through Twitter, and play with the cats, I still can't get any writing done."

The four major food groups.

'How would you like your steak, sir?' - 'Big.'

Food sign on the mountain.

"Up here! Beef jerky, trail mix, energy bars!"

'I don't need to exercise to lose weight. The odor in this locker room suppressed all my appetite.'

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."

"Oh goodie, pigs in a blanket."

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"