Bite-sized Foodies Gifts

(No caption. Signs read the following: Pizza. Pizza By The Slice. Pizza Cut Up Into Tiny Bites.)

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'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

"The biggest mystery in my life is whether I get a peanut butter and jelly or a tuna fish sandwich!"

"So, how's your scary movie?"

'I really love this stuff, but I still have a lot of trouble with sushi.'

Happy Meals for Grown Ups

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

"He feels the honey-citrus glaze overpowers the plum."

If the fruit isn't genetically modified, explain the fruit fly.

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

"One coping mechanism I suggest to deal with uncertain times is to eat as much as you can, gain a lot of weight, and then go have a nap for six months or so."

'What have you got?'

'Never, ever give the benefit of doubt to a Brussells sprout.'

Tiny restaurant portion. Man finds magnifying glass amongst cutlery.

Reserve Ants

Beach Burger - without sand 75 cents extra.

"Parrot Fish? Well THAT is going to repeat on me later..."

"It's adjusted for inflation. A dollar a chip."

'This looks good. It's a six-hour special on how society is becoming too sedentary.'

'Oh my... Well, this is awkward!'

'It's a chocolate patch!'

'What do you fancy? A Zargoid Fliptonian, or a Martian?'

"I don't want to appear ungrateful but just once I'd like to eat out!"

Hangry

"There's a fly in my soup."

The arc of time & space: Naptime, primetime, snacktime, warptime.

Todays Special: Vented Spleen.

'This snack is vegan. It's 100% artificial ingredients.'

'To help me stay on my diet, I've hired a portion control officer.'

Lady in supermarket dilema between good food or bad.

'Low fat, high fiber. We'll come back tonight for the rest of them.'

'Could I have a look at your childrens menu? It's only my inner child that's hungry!'

Lady sees vending machine: 'Your 2 Cents Worth 50 Cents'

Pre-emptive strike against brussels sprouts.