Appearance Humorist Gifts

"Could you make me look more like a swan billed platypus?"

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

"Canadian Mt. ‘Rush’more"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

Owing to a clerical error, Luciano Pavarotti receives kudus instead of kudos for his performance as the Duke of Mantua.

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"This next one is my own quirky rendition of Berlioz's 'Symphonie Fantastique,' Movement 5, 'Dream of a Witches' Sabbath.'"

"The Eggsorcist"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

Radiator jazz player

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

Not you. Your hair.

"Not now, my love. I'm feeling preminstrel."

"Let's try for dignified yet playful, while maintaining the spirit of preservation."

"What other tricks does he need?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

Ed's receding hairline!

"[UNABLE TO PROCESS THIS IMAGE]"

Lawyer to bad hair lady: 'It's difficult to establish pain and suffering based on a bad hair day.'

The Phantom Of The Garden

"They'll be expecting adagio. Go with the allegro."

Opera singer singing to her partner who is wearing a gas mask on due to her bad breath.

Guitar pickin'

'Well, I think it's very creative of the dog to make a wig from his shed hair.'

Rap-scallions

The mysterious ancient stone figures of Keister Island.

Pay me not to pay 'Wonderwall'

"Who is 'coming around the mountain,' John? Could it be your mother?"

"Being with you is just getting too surreal for me, Larry."

Double Saxophone

"There will be a Q&A...but in this era of Trump I will be insulting anyone whose questions I don't like."

"Beans, Them Beans, Them Beans, Beans, Beans..."

Edward Elgar.