Appearance Curator Gifts

"I understand the house is a mess inside."

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

"I was almost that last year."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

Shoe addict.

'You must be awfully secure in your masculinity.'

"You won't believe this but I haven't a thing to wear"

"That shirt is so last year."

"I feel there's a whole culture around mules."

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

Hat Boxes, in the Closet

A woman and her home simultaneously achieve 'casual'.

"Darling, I love how you've curated yourself."

"Wouldn't it be nice to slip into a simple little black number for a change?"

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"Sheesh, I did NOT say we have to redo everything! Just look at some swatches with me."

'I wasn't the smartest guy in the room, but I had the whitest teeth!'

"Is it my imagination, or does our use of correction fluid increase as people's teeth get whiter?"

'Sometimes I wonder how things would have turned out, if I'd gotten Mom's eyes and Dad's hair.'

"Do you have something cheap but with a really expensive label?"

'A neighbour of mine has just come in - put 'em in a size 4 box, will you?'

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

"Can you de-schlump him?"

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'You must have something in my size?'

It's a new miracle fabric, of course.

'Over the years our company has acquired a face of its own.'

"This would be perfect! If it were a different style, in a different color, from a different store."

'Excuse me. Could you point me towards the books that would look impressive on my bookshelf?'

"Actually, I don't read much, they're just background for my video calls."

'Anything else you want fixing, while I'm taking the mole off your nose?'

'No-one buys these stylish frames for their eyes, usually it's for their Facebook photo's.'

Ew, I look terrible! Take one more!

"The gentleman opposite would like to buy you more time."

"I'm not so much interested in 'wellness' as I am 'swellness'."