Apology Gifts

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

Fake it with Flowers.

Laurel, hi. I brought you flowers. You did. How sweet. You never bring me flowers. Never. Not once. And chocolates. Shaped like tiny cell phones. What bad thing have you done? Spill it!

'Expensive wine, long-stem roses, imported candies...wasn't our argument about MY spending habits?'

"Why don't you just tell me what idiotic thing you did, and I'll pick out the appropriate bouquet!"

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"I wouldn't say these are conflict-free diamonds. Henry bought them after we had a terrible row."

'Do you have one that says 'Sorry I missed our wedding'?'

I need a not to expensive gift that doesn't hurt when thrown to my head.

'Let's pretend we're married so we can have a fight!'

'What's the best kind of glue to fix a TV screen?'

"OK, what have you done?"

'Bob forgot your birthday. He went fishing instead. So he sent you this Excuse-O-Gram. In hopes he won't end up dead.'

Hyacinths

Priest's 'To do' list.

"I know I haven't been much of a master to you, but then again you haven't been much of a pet to me."

"What do you mean?! That apology is the best piece of fiction I've ever written!"

Colin could see that his competitor had obviously done his market research.

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

Sorry

"I'm sorry, Arthur. I've decided to secede from our marriage."

Man looking at greeting cards labeled "Apologies for not writing sooner" with sub-headings for different lengths of time.

"Have I been good or have you been bad?"

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"This is to apologise for the delay in internal mail that you wrote to us about in 1997"

"Better get two dozen. She won't be able to hit you as hard with both arms full."

"Of course I'm sorry for whatever it is I'm supposed to have done."

Greeting Cards

"I'm sorry I called you boring."

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Very sorry

'Yes, he plans to accept his party's nomination but first I have to accept his apology.'

"Your basic rule of thumb should be,the bigger the guilt, the longer the stem."

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'