Antisocial Behavior Gifts

"I miss avoiding people."

Santa Claus's Mail

The Dance of the Penguins Once the March Is Over

"I hate it when we fight."

Dog Park / Cat Park

Hoodie Hang-out

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

'Have you seen me?' (Brain missing in TV viewer)

The Map of the Human Heart

"This says dogs can exhibit feelings of jealousy."

"So. Mr Smith, what makes you think you are too controlling?"

"I beg to differ."

"It's lonely here at the top. Thank goodness I've never been a people person."

One giant bark for dogkind.

'What is it with dogs and the thrill of getting caught?'

"Look what I bought to encourage visitors to go home early."

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Second-hand Slander and Innuendo £10

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"I don't want them to smell fear, so I'm going to roll in something before the interview."

"I'm kind of a big deal in antisocial media."

"Sorry, I don't really believe in being social offline."

Cohesion Of Cohort/Shared Behaviors

"I think up most of the things that get me in trouble here while I'm in the time-out chair at home."

'You're at that awkward age where the others have figured out that you're a drone and you don't do anything.'

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

"Is this your work?"

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

Specialising in Multiple Personality Disorder

The institute.

"My smarthome just sent me a text saying it's a mess, so it doesn't feel like having visitors right now."

'Mind if we play through?'

"Freud said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness, but human mess is equally true."

"It seems that I cannot look them in the eye without prompting confrontation..." "What are you lookin' at?"