Antique Shop Browser Gifts

Mr. Swiveller seeks to gain attention

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

Southwark Fair.

Two women wearing identical dresses head toward exchange window at department store.

Second hand furniture.

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

"Do you have any of those books that understand men?"

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Trilby - 'Je prong!'

The practical psychopath

Sundial Time

"Oh, wow! Is that stunning or what?" "Mid-century classic. Should be in a museum. Let's pee on it." "Totally."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Fossil record player.

"It's felt to be his most thought provoking work."

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

Myths and legends...

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

You had me at vintage.

'This seems like a good time to get rid of some of the king's junk.'

"It's the only way I can justify buying so many shoes."

"Some fitting room. Nothing fits!"

Antiques

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

Bookstore. The Stock Market for Dummies. It's either an instructional guide or a history of recent economics.

Man browsing books see couple kissing in romance section of book store.

The First Printed Bible

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

"Midtown Vinyl. Vintage albums + EPs. Midtown Ink. Vintage books + newspapers."

'This is a letter opener, from the days before faxes and email. I just sold it online after I listed it as a vintage communication device.'

"Attention, everyone! I'd like to introduce the newest member of our family."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

'This book is so rare it's never been published.'