Anti-productivity Enthusiast Pillows

Nothing gives me a greater feeling of accomplishment than not accomplishing anything.

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"Gentleman I believe I've found a revolutionary new way for us to more productively waste our lives."

"Do we always have to work through lunch?"

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"...simple, we topped the water cooler with energy drinks and productivity rocketed."

'My multi-tasking turned into faulty-tasking.'

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

"Some days, no matter how much you procrastinate, work still gets done."

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'I'm the CEO of a large corporation. Of course my cough is productive. Everything I do is productive.'

"Slip some performance enhancing drug into the water. We need more production!"

The other digital divide.

Drinks for the post-caffeinated economy

Beesy schedule.

'Remember, I'm doing the best you can.'

"That's when we put those expensive organic snacks in the vending machines."

Look at me multitasking. I'm shooting the breeze, checking invoices and drinking coffee.

"I've found if I squint my eyes and frown, it looks like I'm concentrating rather than sleeping.".

'Good work is it's own reward, but delegation is even better.'

"I think I see the problem."

'Actually, I haven't done any work for a month due to technical difficulties.'

"I start every day by making a list of the people I need to ignore."

Efficiency Expert: Back at 3:17:03

Tunnel of Workaholics

'Stein, have you given any thought to using performance enhancing drugs?'

'Work production rose significantly once we closed all the curtains in the windows.'

'These graphs represent productivity between free-range and cubicled workers.'

'Technology is wonderful. It makes your people so much easier to use.'