Anti-pleasantries Fan Pillows

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

The Lion, the witch and the flat-pack self-assembly wardrobe: lion and witch putting a wardrobe together.

Punkins

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

"Appointments. Disappointments."

Access Denied!

Cats watch mice in a theatre

'And it looks like the refs are going to call a hard fowl.'

'He doesn't get the jokes - he just laughs at the F-words.'

'I'd like to spend November and December in a nice vegetarian country!'

"There's apparently another one of those rescue ships coming to take us back to civilisation. . . quick, let's hide!"

"You get your seven cats, I get my red-tailed hawk."

'What's wrong with me today? I actually served a customer...'

'We have to put up with a fair bit to find these truffles, but we think they're worth it.'

Thanks to his reputation as a tough and unfriendly loner, nobody flocked with Randy.

"Sorry about the expletive."

'Against Joie De Vivre': Meet the author today.

"Olympics? It's the first I've heard of the Olympics being on."

Ask for our special showbusiness lunch!

"Get angry and go apes**t."

'I know where I am - where the hell is my ball!'

'Why do they always pick on me...?'

Complete Metamorphosis

'Well, I don't know much about sport, but I know what I like.'

Her man-repellent jumper was delightfully effective.

Charmed, I'm sure.

'I take it you're not an advocate of social networking whilst shopping.'

'Oh Dear! I see the commercial that Ed hates so much came on again, for the last time on our TV!'

'What's the proper name for a Portuguese senior?'

'You may already be a winner in the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes!'