Little Annoyance Avoider Pillows

'They made it like that so the kids wouldn't bother you.'

A young Don King

"Hey, I'm thirsty. I need a drink. A drink and a liverwurst sandwich. Hey, how about a sandwich and a beer down at Gallagher's, then we can go shoot some pool? Or maybe take in a movie. Hey, I'm talking to you."

"Oh, I like coming to the dentists. It's the only place where people actually ask me to spit!"

College kid rakes up his clothes on the floor in messy dorm room

Sign on desk reads: 'Thanks for not wishing me a nice day.'

Crowded Ice Fishing

Cat mistakes bars for toilets.

'So glad we ticked the no publicity box.'

'I want to go out of town so that I can become a fully independent person, but near enough so that I can bring my laundry home.'

"It's great things are back to normal, except that there are people everywhere."

'As a bachelor I have to wash my own clothes, clean my own room. The do it all again three months later.'

Wow, look what you've stepped in: Boy I'm glad I'm not the one having to lick it off...

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

"My neighborhood is getting too noisy. Traffic, screaming kids, barking dogs … I'm used to living in quiet desperation."

There's leftover apple crisp! Whoever finishes it up, please clean the baking dish. Hey! It's not finished!!

Kid sweeps dirt under his junk on the floor.

'Dear Santa, I want a super plasma intruder. One that blows fire and eats people and destroys citys!!!!! Jimmy. ps Have a merry Christmas!

Children's Self-Help Books. How to Look for a Lost Toy Without Moving a Muscle. It IS Possible to Make a More Annoying Sound! Tying the Impossible Knot. Mom! MOM! Moooooom!

"Patient. . . seems. . . reluctant. . . to get his. . . prostate. . . checked. . ."

'Been coming here for years and never bumped into anyone who knows me . . . weird!'

"I didn't mind the panel interview, but I got creeped out by the group hug at the end."

I don't get it. You can make a goal from one end of the field to the other, but you can't hit the laundry basket six inches away.

"Gah! Too many people!"

'What do you mean, I don't match? Everything I'm wearing is wrinkled.'

We moved to the sea to get away from the crowd, only to find they'd moved to the sea.

'The one thing I hate about summer - great big moths coming in at night.'

Playpen Jailbreak.

'Talk about fun, Joey! I dialed a zillion numbers and talked to all kinds of people I couldn't even understand!'

'Yeah, I guess I have kind of let it go.'

The pair of socks waited confidently in the corner, secure in the knowledge that no matter what happens, no one ever suspects the socks.

Mountaineer finds a computer at the top of the mountain.

'If you want somewhere quiet and without crowds...I recommend Greece.'

'If the ECG isn't broken then we have problem'

"So there's ABSOLUTELY NOTHING you can think of giving up the New Year apart from your peanut collection?"