Anti-fortune Cookie Enthusiast Pillows

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Do you have any cookies you aren't using?

'Darn those neighbors. A cookie's missing.'

"You have a co-pay...two cookies and a glass of milk."

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

Miracle Mom #5,293

"Mom said eat everything in moderation, so I renamed the cookie jar 'Moderation.'"

"Roadkill cookies"

'I don't think I've ever heard of the Geezer Scouts or Geezer Scout cookies.'

Fortune cookies based on various business magazines.

Santa looking at a plate of cookies and a bottle of hand sanitizer

Cookie Surveillance

Ginger's bakery: Our Cookies Snap!

"I don't know, Doc, it's just that lately I've been feeling crummy!"

What if retail stores behaved like websites?

'Well, they're just like your mom's cookies if your mom is a 35 ton, multi-unit dough extruder.'

"I'll give you a cookie if you promise to paint me as a pillar among women in your future memoir."

'We seem to have more luck getting people to accept cookies rather than broccoli when they visit websites.'

Mine says, 'Blaming China won't work.'

If you give a mouse a french cookie

Girl Scout cookies selling the girl scout.

'Sorry, sweetie -- they're not that kind of cookies.'

"The cookies are always stale."

"Who wants to help Grandma make her famous gingerbread man cookies? You kids get the flour, eggs, and sugar, and I'll get the protoplasm and epithelial tissue."

'The doctor said my body is 40% fat. These cookies are only 20% fat. That's got to help.'

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

"I don't really think you're cut out for this job..."

"That's just great! Enough with the public displays of affection!"