Anti-adventurer Gifts

'These blinders help block out banner ads.'

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

The Map of the human brain

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

World Tour.

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Draw your own path."

'Arf! Arf!'

"Water balloons... water balloons..."

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

"Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o Summer!"

"His father came from a family of climbers."

Can I have a look at the map?

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"On the bright side, Dear, your jump looked great right up until the landing!"

'Sometimes I wish I had never sold my camels!'

Remember to lash from the outside!

Danger: Falling animals

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Selfie of the Golden Hinde

Lost

'I'm not sure my heart could take the excitement.'

'Every day son, I feel on top of the World!'

"Miles... I'm going abstract!"

Ahoy

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'

Man digs a hole looking for treasure and ends up falling out the side of a cliff sees a sign: You Are Here.