Anti-adventurer Gifts

'These blinders help block out banner ads.'

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

The Map of the human brain

Captain Ahab searched for a vaccine.

World Tour.

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

The Philosopher Pine, or, The Eternal Optimist.

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Songs about Texas, next 1100 miles.

"Draw your own path."

"Yes, six to seven weeks is my life expectancy! Once I learned that, I thought, the hell with it, I'll stop working and start travelling..."

'Arf! Arf!'

"Water balloons... water balloons..."

"Tonight we dine with the devil. But tomorrow we really need to finish what's left in the fridge."

"His father came from a family of climbers."

Can I have a look at the map?

'I'm tired of roaming the earth. Can we just stay home tonight?'

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"Hel-l-l-o-o-o-o Summer!"

"On the bright side, Dear, your jump looked great right up until the landing!"

'Sometimes I wish I had never sold my camels!'

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

'I'm not sure my heart could take the excitement.'

Remember to lash from the outside!

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Selfie of the Golden Hinde

Danger: Falling animals

Lost

"It's even more controversial than uber. It's a driverless taxi."

"Apparently, if you understand it, you don’t understand it."

"Miles... I'm going abstract!"

Man digs a hole looking for treasure and ends up falling out the side of a cliff sees a sign: You Are Here.

'It is a huge property, originally built by a Condor: Perfect for a large family...'