Anonymity Seeker Pillows

"All day long, I get called...it's 'Baldo this' and 'Baldo that'. Sometimes I wish I had an unlisted name."

"I built this tree house for my kids. But it's so private, I've decided to use it as my home office."

"Do you mind?"

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

When did you first feel like a male trapped in a female body? When I was a foetus.

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"The previous tenant was a bit of a shut-in."

"They’re real."

"My parents said that until I find a job and move out they will not recognize me as a sentient being."

"Is this who I am?"

"Nothing else in my room can spin on the floor like a bottle."

"I'm spending more time promoting myself than I am being myself."

"Your mother and I think it's time you got a place of your own. We'd like a little time alone before we die."

"I just don't want to be 'that' waffle."

'We started wearing name tags to rell who's who, unfortunately we all like the name 'Kevin,!'

"I'm both too liberal to be preppy and too conservative to be trendy."

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

"I have a personal blog, therefore I am!"

"OK, now you can sing your heart out."

Ethanol and foreign oil.

Victoria's secret lovers: Barry, Al, Percy.

No cell phones, tv or internet for a week. It's creepy. What's that annoying sound? Silence? It's awful. I can hear myself think!

Having installed a hydraulically operated wall in their 25-year-old's bedroom...

'Of course I'm depressed. I've run out of places to pierce.'

'Silent type, eh?'

Forming the adolescent personality

"You have to let me make my own mistakes."

"I said, the brewery has rather overdone the ambiance in here..."

"Excuse me sir, is this the environment..?"

'I have to answer this e-mail from the boss. Can you wait in the hallway for a few minutes? I need my cyberspace.'

Blok conforming, with difficulty.

"You're lucky you're a U.S. citizen and this is America! The government has generously offered you five free guesses about what you're charged with and where you're going to be secretly detained."

"Someone has stolen my identity crisis."