Annoyance Enthusiast Gifts

'Damned tourists.'

'Do me a favour-stop saying 'Good night,don't let the bed bugs bite'!'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"So then, after I'd invented my time machine, I thought: why not go back and visit the good old days?"

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"It says 'break glass' but it doesn't say what glass!'

Unpopular Street Signs: Road Work Behind, Speed Jump Ahead, Good Luck, Slow Distracted Adults.

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Well, look at the bright side, Timmy — you're 100 percent wrong."

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

"Bigfoot"

Fist Bumper Cars

Emergency Phone.

Bookstore, the Politically Incorrect Guide to You.

'Half-baked beans, low fat variety' "Who says we have no taste?"

"I think I'm having pre-traumatic stress disorder."

"After a long day or remote work, it feels great to change into something less comfortable."

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"We'll destroy it to the ground ... ...and then..."

'There will be no raises this year since the state now has a lottery.'

Glance Exchange

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'My pessimism keeps me optimistic.'

I thought you said Megson couldn't be bought.

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

“I may not know much about books, but I do know which titles burn best.”

'My diet seems to be working great! Do you have any less relaxed jeans?'

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."