Announcement Appreciator Pillows

Thank you, Thank you... One quick announcement - The owner of a large orange gourd - Please move your vehicle - You're parked on a loading zone.

"Because when you go first nobody else has any fun, that's why."

'Ignore it! It's just some of the local kids trying to get in for free.'

Surreal ale

"It's from the local micro brewery..."

"My kid could do that."

'Puppies' at that playful stage where he likes to rearrange the furniture.'

"Okay, who's the wise guy elf?"

'Increase your beer volume sales by filling the glasses up.'

"By the time I've read all the nutrition and ingredients information I've lost my appetite!"

'I suggest you move onto halves...'

Man reacts to being goosed. Caption: The secret work of Doberman Pinschers

'Your opinions are a rephrasing of my opinions. I like that in a subordinate.'

'Watch out for Harold Smedly...He has wandering long-reach pick up tools!..'

Heaven Has VIP

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

"The moment of peaceful ocean sounds has been brought to you by. . . !"

"If you don't wish to hear the match result look away now."

Foolish Sid turns to look, and is immediately tackled and devoured by the duck.

"Have you got it in beige?"

Deadpan Delivery.

"You definately have a musical ear"

'There there how were you to know it wasn't Jeremy Beadle.'

'I'm worried Tom has a drinking problem.'

'For throwing spitballs in class, I am sending you to the principal's office. It's nothing personal. It's just a classroom management thing.'

'I manage the old fashioned way. I just tell 'em: shut up and do as I say!'

'It's either a crank call or some idiot's set his loin cloth on fire.'

A Drive-By Glutening

"Baldo, no one likes being told what to do...but taking direction is a part of life."

Sword swallower's groin extends as if its the sword