Animated Humorist Pillows

Pastor of Muppets

"You come from a long line of stay-at-home dads: What makes you think you have what it takes to branch out?"

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Football Chameleon

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

Barbeque Casualty.

Hats and Food

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"The Eggsorcist"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"Scuba cow"

'Jurassic Pork.'

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.