Video Humorist Pillows

'Quick, get the camcorder!'

"Technology isn't making me smarter. It's allowing me to be dumb, faster."

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

"Eat not of the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. Its sources have yet to be verified."

"Quick, Lassie, go get I.T.!"

"Would you like to keep eighty-seven tabs open?"

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

"OMG, LOL!"

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

Barbeque Casualty.

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"I'll have you know that, '#dirtylitterbox' is trending on Twitter."

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

"She looks just like in your photos."

Snowman ice fishing.

"Larry, what's the weather forecast?" "Let me ask you something. Did you make waffles this morning? Because someone had maple syrup on their hands, and I seem to recall a hand moving me... a pretty, pretty, pretty sticky hand..."

Chasebook

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

"That's the trouble with cute kittens - they attract a lot of traffic."

"I don't think I can fit that into my schedule, Irv. I've got a fishing boat to attack this morning, a beach to terrorize this afternoon and a feeding frenzy this evening!"

'Oh no! Is this a blogger I saw before me?'

"Don't worry about her sucking her thumb. Soon she'll be texting with it."

The Smartass Phone

'It's not a desert island - it's Australia.'

Advertising on the internet.

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

Twitter that!