Animated Humorist Gifts

Pastor of Muppets

"You come from a long line of stay-at-home dads: What makes you think you have what it takes to branch out?"

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Gimme a large cheeseburger, regular fries and a diet root beer!"

'Run, run, as fast as you can!'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"What the %@!!* is that?!" "Is that a leg? Wait—no, it's an arm. Wait—what?" "The frame is nice." "Whatever it is, it makes me miss Bob Ross." "Gasp!" "The intentionally lost Caravaggio"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Football Chameleon

Fiscal cliff - US dollar falling over the edge.

Hats and Food

Barbeque Casualty.

"The Eggsorcist"

"Scuba cow"

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Did you get my tweet?"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Jurassic Pork.'

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

"Why didn't you simply open the window?"

"Can you juggle a household, three kids, and a career?"

"I’ve heard of them barking at the moon, but never scatting at the sun."

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Don't worry, Miss. I'll soon get the hang of it."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

"Now there's something you don't see everyday. How long have you been using dachshunds as sled dogs.?"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."