Animal Whisperer Humorist Gifts

'The most precious thing a practitioner can accomplish, my boy, is to accumulate a devoted following of these damned hypochondriacs."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Police Feline Unit

'Well, it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

Cat woman shopping for cats.

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"Foster failure"

"Quick, start the car!"

"It get it – you're hungry."

"You mustn't pull the cat's tail so hard it tugs the head inside, sweetie!"

Growl - Hiss Conflict Resolution Meeting

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

Biofelineism

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"I know it’s an issue, and we’re working on it in therapy."

Dog Dreams

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

The Rooster Comedian.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"Lucky, I Said Heel!"

"This prognosis is positive, you've got a cold nose."

'Cat or dog?' - 'A little of both.'

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

Girl wags her pony tail as dog wags his tail.

"The cat told me to eat your homework."

'You know too much!'

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

"Hon, come quick! Mr. Puff has lowered his impenetrable wall of feline indifference, and it probably won't last long!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

'Every night it's the same - always my turn to put the Bally Cat out!'

'Boy, watch out for that pursestring suture!'

Children's Feast.

Hush puppy.

'I don't care if it's hot, I won't go in the water!'