Animal Racing Pillows

'What do you mean you didn't win the race?'

"One drawback of professional racing was the list of banned substances: I had to give up coffee for the duration..."

'My feet are killing me.'

Steep Hill, Slippery When Wet, Watch for Cars Going Faster Than You.

"I need to tinkle."

Ancient Racing

Go! Means NOW!

A day at the races

-Sorry about yesterday, I was ill! -You didn't look ill when I saw you at the races! -You didn't see me after the fifth leg!

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Bringing Your Child To The Bicycle Race

"And the winner is… Dan the Man by a nose!"

A day at the transgenic races

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

Runner collapsing over the finishing line.

A tortoise running along the side of the road, panting.

Bob's Driving School.

'Oh yeah, your dad might be on 4-1 in this afternoon's race, but mine is on 3-1!'

"You keep an eye on our horse. I'm checking to see if the bookie runs off with our money."

Knight in shining Lycra!

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Oh, oh, it seems they've had a little trouble with the hand-off in lane number three."

"If you think I ride too fast, Susan...just say so!"

Snail Racing

Annual Swim Hundreds of Miles, Spawn and Die Marathon.

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

The polar olympics

Bessy had won the 100m sprint... but many suspected Steeroid abuse!

The Epsom Derby - Bookies

'Geoffrey's kit car can go from nought to upside down in under nine seconds.'

Living with Ulrich, such an adrenaline high.

Prehistoric Peeps: Even the 'Derby' had its primeval counterpart.