Animal Lovers Appreciating Satire Gifts

'Sure, they have nine lives, but they spend eight of them asleep.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'YAY! PATE!'

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

Dog wiping windscreen with tail

Leopards do change their spots

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

"Hi, I'm Jamie Theakston and this is Dogs Might Fly."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

"Sprechen ze MOO MOO?"

No Poaching! Scrambling, Frying or Boiling.

'Who says octopuses can't tango? We were doing great until I ate the trumpet player.'

Possum bungee jumping from branch with bungee tail.

Santa Enjoys Venison.

'I'm afraid it's going to make us a laughing stock, dear!'

'How come there are no DOG BURGLARS?'

"I think we feed to many vitamins to Tweety"

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

ONE LAST TIME! Where are the carrots!

'I know it's your bed, but she's our guest. Sorry, sweetie, but you're going to have to sleep on the couch.'

'I wouldn't mind a bite now and then.'

101 uses of a dead cat: civilisation flag.

'I must admit I panicked when I first saw the low bone-density test results, but since you're a bird, it's all good!'

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

It's 'safety first' for Gary the goat.

'Well, yes, I guess so; the Warmington AR-20 could drop a man at 500 metres.'

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

'Five day waiting period? Man, I need to resolve a conflict right now.'

"Who died?"

'You promised me a night of unbridled passion!'

'Do you ever wish you could get a nice tan?'

'Martha, did you order a 100 pound bag of peanuts?'

"Give me a minute—I'm working on my core."