Animal Lovers Appreciating Satire Gifts

"Yeah, yeah. Everybody's got palms and opposable thumbs and the ass only has hooves... Get over yourselves, people!"

'Sure, they have nine lives, but they spend eight of them asleep.'

'Are you the genius who came up with the 'Alternative Payment' program?'

'YAY! PATE!'

Dog wiping windscreen with tail

Penguin kid to parents: 'Big deal! You're grounding me!'

"Would you thrive in a hostile work environment?"

'You will never require the services of a dating agency.'

Leopards do change their spots

"Hi, I'm Jamie Theakston and this is Dogs Might Fly."

'According to his will, Tiddles left the bulk of his estate to himself. Because, he still has eight lives left.'

"Sprechen ze MOO MOO?"

No Poaching! Scrambling, Frying or Boiling.

'How come there are no DOG BURGLARS?'

'I'm afraid it's going to make us a laughing stock, dear!'

'Who says octopuses can't tango? We were doing great until I ate the trumpet player.'

Santa Enjoys Venison.

"I think we feed to many vitamins to Tweety"

"What a darling chihuahua! Is he friendly?"

Possum bungee jumping from branch with bungee tail.

'I must admit I panicked when I first saw the low bone-density test results, but since you're a bird, it's all good!'

'I wouldn't mind a bite now and then.'

101 uses of a dead cat: civilisation flag.

It's 'safety first' for Gary the goat.

Heaven's Cattlegrid.

ONE LAST TIME! Where are the carrots!

'I know it's your bed, but she's our guest. Sorry, sweetie, but you're going to have to sleep on the couch.'

"It is the complete works of shakespeare alright but the pig's claiming he wrote them."

'Well, yes, I guess so; the Warmington AR-20 could drop a man at 500 metres.'

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

'Baskerville, that's right: The Hound killed by Sherlock Holmes was one of my ancestors...'

'Five day waiting period? Man, I need to resolve a conflict right now.'

'You promised me a night of unbridled passion!'

'Martha, did you order a 100 pound bag of peanuts?'

'Do you ever wish you could get a nice tan?'