Animal Language Gifts

"And here is the very stone that finally enabled us to figure out what all those dogs and cats were saying."

"It get it – you're hungry."

"Barking sometimes helps me relax. But then it drives the neighbors crazy."

"What I'd give for a stimulating conversation..."

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

"They communicate through clicks and taps."

I sometimes feel spotted, but I never really feel seen.

"Look, he just wants to apologize for scaring the daylights out of you yesterday. ... Mr. Squirrel? ..."

"You understand that they call you 'good boy' because they can't remember your name, right? They never forget my name, they care about me..."

'You'll get five paid sick days, plus an additional two when you're shedding your skin.'

"I have no thumbs."

"You don't whisper anymore."

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

'Polly wants a cracker! Fetch!'

I've found you can say anything you like to them, as long as you're wagging your tail.

Pet psychic -- yup, she's for real.

'Iguana know what time it is.'

"I think it loves us."

"Just what emotion is your emotional support dog supporting?"

"Hold that thought, my love. I'm listening – I just need to pee on those daylilies."

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

ONE HORSE TOWN

"Are you happy with your current ball?"

Dogs Must Be On A Leash.

"At least you don’t need a wetsuit."

"Obviously, I can't fly like you, but if you teach me, I can probably sing like you..."

The bluebird of passive-aggressiveness

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

'Quotes, woof, woof, woof, woof, closed quotes.'

I have an idea for a new app: It'll tell you what your dog is thinking. What? How? Through a sensor planted in the dog's collar. Every time it barks, whines or sighs, the sensor will beam an English translation to your phone. It'll either say "feed me," "walk me," "I need to potty," or "leave me alone," or a random combination of those. That sounds like the most useless app ever. It'll also shout "I'm running!" when the dog is running.

"The etchings are in the library."