Animal Instincts Gifts

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

"Why do they do that?"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"What you call tricks I call humiliations."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"No no, I said sit!!"

"I think she's figured out what W-A-L-K means."

Dog chews 'The Cat Book'.

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

"It get it – you're hungry."

Cats may love you, but dogs go all the way.

"All in favor of destroying the throw pillow, raise your paw."

Romantic Giraffes

'Dr Hodges, here, is from England and he's been observing us for 14 years. Mr Ferrell, an American, has been here only 3 weeks. Monique Corveu, from Paris, has practically been living with us for about nine years...'

"As a friend, I pray you rest in peace. As a dog, I really want to dig you up."

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

"Why do dogs wag their tails? Because it always brings results."

"You were right: I don't like water, but I do love snow!"

"Oh no, after you. I insist!"

"Why, you little Shih Tzu."

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

"You don't throw them back if they're too small!"

'Hey Harry, you know you've been walking around with a biscuit on your nose for the last two hours?'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

"Sure my wings flap 70 times per second-- I've been sipping nectar all day."

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Tell me again how aloof and independent cats are.

'I know he doesn't like this house, but he'll just have to get used to it.'

"They didn't want to be identified in my photo, so I blurred their butts."