Parental Instinct Gifts

"You broke the window, huh?"

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

Prepper Dog

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

Funny how moms know when you're going to do something naughty at the exact time you're doing it.

Code Red!

"His room is always clean. Do you think we should take him to a psychologist?"

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'We're not paprazzi. We're your parents.'

'Don't try so hard . . . I want a dad, not a homey!. . .'

"Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Can we keep it?"

'As near as I can figure something bad happened and they're both in on it.'

"And these are the twins, Buzz and Buzz-off."

'Good morning, Dad, It's your turn to be the cowboys!'

I got a hundred in school today... 50 in history, and 50 in maths!

'I did have an eventful day at school, but nothing, in my opinion, to write home about.'

'That's not the image I wanted to leave him with.'

Pram for baby giraffe

"This meeting was called in order to discuss the meat. It has been pointed out that there is no more meat. A motion has been made to fight over the bones."

'That's nothing son: You should have seen me blowing down the little pigs' houses...'

I should have listened to my Mum: 'Never sit down during the hunting season...'

"We're still figuring out how to monetise him."

". . . and this little piggy said 'to heck with it. Let's all go down to the Market Tavern!'"

"Delia, I’d like you to meet one of my oldest and dearest friends."

Motherhood and Apple Pie.

"I read the book and it has way better special effects than the movie."

"Ok, so maybe cross-dressing camp wasn’t such a great idea after all."

"I can't help but get emotional...it's not every day your little one leaves the nest and heads off to the first day of school..."

'I'm doing this just to show my daughter there's no harm in losing.'

Waving...

'My children are very realistic.'

"I don't think your parent would sign this excuse, 'Timmy's Mom'."