Animal Empathizer Gifts

"Ugh, tell me about it! They pressure you to be a good boy and I get unreal expectations of prettiness!"

An equestrian warning a child.

Bear fumbling whilst fishing.

Mouse to occupant about trap: 'How could you?'

"This is worse than I thought - he seems to have claustrophobia."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

Licensed Therapist

The Golfing Accident

"Ever get the feeling you're being watched?"

'And I thought I had a big egg to lay.'

'I'm not a happy bunny.'

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

Lumberjack and tree share a smile.

'I'm not an indoor cat. I'm a bitter, angry, frustrated, resentful, repressed cat.'

'The thing that really bugs me, Louis, is whether veterinarians are psychiatrists.'

'Your anger towards us can't be healthy, so we hope this intervention helps.'

Dog next to sign that says, 'Beware of Dog's Feelings'.

'Why can't you just chew bones like other dogs?' (dog smoking pipe).

'I wanted to hear the pita pata of tiny feet so he bought me a hamster.'

"They think it's easy being the bleedin' bluebird of happiness!"

"Why so sad, Pal?"

Dog dreams of sleeping in masters chair.

"Who the hell keeps doing that?"

'If it's sympathy you're after... forget it !'

'Good old fashioned turkey shoot.'

"Wait - you're right - it is as bad as it seems."

"I taught him to shake hands, and now he's running for congress!"

'Buster was in a little accident, but he'll be good as new in 6 weeks.'

Hi, this is click-whistle-chirp. Hi. … wait, who? Did you know humans are not the only sentient species on earth? Almost every species is sentient, contrary to thousands of years of racist propaganda. They think, they feel pain, they act with intent, they feel emotions ... especially the octopods. Never get on an octopus's bad side. House of Java Cybercafe. They've just never felt the needs to speak human languages before. Before? Before what? ... Wait ... am I talking to a dolphin? The sentient

“I've come to believe that I'm powerless over tennis balls.”

'I know I shouldn't bite, but I keep thinking about that poor slob up there...hot, tired, hungry...'

Bull Visiting Matador

Man to complaints clerk: 'My dog just died and I think my wife's cheating on me.'

"This dog definitely had abandonment issues..."

"It's no bed of mice and string for me either."