Animal Control Humorist Gifts

'I'm not a dog thief, kid, and whats more - it was horse thieves they used to hang!'

'Dogs are so silly: Just throw a ball or a stick and they'll chase it and bring it back!'

"Houston, we have a problem."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"Wow, these slippers are really warm!"

"Well, here's the problem. You been takin' the hair ball pills and givin' the Viagra to the cats."

Hats and Food

"Scuba cow"

"Yes, one is a dog."

'Of course I'm being catty. How else do you expect me to act?'

'Jurassic Pork.'

'...Excuse me...Whoops, my fault!..Sorry!..You first...Pardon Me...Sorry...S'cuse me...Look out!...Pardon'

"Grass-cream! Thanks Mum!"

'While you're 'fixing' my private parts, could you give me a loaner pair?'

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Yep. Looks like we have ringworm."

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'Well, I guess we're the control group.'

No jay walking.

"That product you are using is fantastic. Your eye bags are gone."

Northeastern Deer/Southwestern Deer

"All you're doing is emboldening cats."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Settle an argument. Which is better incessant barking or meowing?'

"What do you mean blood sucking pest? You're the one who invited me into your life!"

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

'Bird Watching is fun, but it tends to make me salivate...'

"You might want to start bringing more carrots home, dear. I think I have an ingrown hare."

"I think I'm beginning to embrace humiliation."

"Did you know he'd joined a squirrel watchers club?"

"Will you stop telling me to feed the Zebras? We just ate the zebras!"

'Cat job interviews.'

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...