Animal Anthropomorphist Gifts

"Why ‘Black Death’? Why not ‘Furry Death’?"

"Oh, I thought this was a conversation-type meeting, not a head-bitey-off meeting."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Do me next."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

Bears catching fish

"Fee-fi-fo-fum, I smell Thursday's gluten-free lasagna!"

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

"They're friendly, but they're also carnivorous, so remember that when you're called on to beg and roll over."

"If we only repeat what humans say whenever they're nearby... they won't realize we're aliens plotting to take over the planet."

"It was a cheese and wine party but the mice got there first!"

"She's a miniature."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

'Cheryl, you are getting way too wrapped up in the dog.'

"You're living in a fantasy world, Nelly. Farmer Dave doesn't know you're alive. Plus, he's a human being, he's married, he's the church pastor and he's secretly gay."

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

"Goodness, grandma. What big deposits you made in offshore accounts without declaring it."

TV's hot new political show: Meet the Produce. From the left, a giant carrot. From the right, big broccoli. Let's be frank. The Republicans have no fiscal discipline. And the tax-and-spend liberals do? We're not ballooning the deficit! Waging war to promote freedom is not free! You stupid rotten vegetable! You're low in vitamin E! Cut to commercial.

"This wine tastes like a**....Bring me every bottle you have!"

"Ahhh, right there. Right there!"

STRIP Hambone: Humanoid computers

"No religious nuts!"

Alligator Bars

"Yep, it says "pesticide"! Not only are they trying to kill us, they also insult us by calling us pests!"

"Oh, that looks fantastic! Honey, doesn’t that look delicious?!"

"Then I realised, I was just a child substitute."

"'Cheers'? 'Lorry'? 'Jumper'? You can talk, boy? And you're British??"

"We grind our own catnip."

"Estate sale"

"Miss Penny to inquire about the tardiness of evening kibble."

“Face it, dear...you’re a chair. You’ll see a lot of ends, but very few beginnings.”

"Please don't go!"