Animal Ailment Alchemist Gifts

'I told you twice, it's an OB glove not a BO glove.

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

"I have your gender reveal results. Boy, girl, boy, boy, girl, girl, boy, girl, boy, boy..."

Bears catching fish

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Nothing impacts my lifestyle choices more than a veterinarian with a scale.'

"Congratulations! It's a bitch!"

A day at the transgenic races

Alice in Wonderland: The Queen Turns into a Pack of Cards.

The Z Chromosome: Zebratic engineering with questionable results.

"That, believe it or not, is also a mammal."

'I can tell you one thing, Madam. These ears have been neglected...

'We call these supernumerary teats!'

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

"That's nuthin'. Yesterday he beat up Alex Rodriguez."

'Do you mind if I take a few pictures, Bill?

'I wonder how long he's been a vet?'

'Get me everything you have on bunny rabbits.'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Labrador for sale

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'I'm going to dispense a case of reducing diet for her....

'Don't worry Darling, they're scientists'

An inbred poodle.

"Does he need to be healed or heeled?"

'Ta dum deedee dum -- DUM -- Bloop -- Fsst, tra la,,,'

"Great - Now what would be the second thing you'd do if you had opposable thumbs?"

Committee On Feline Healthcare

'Animal Psychiatrist' (a dog).

'...at least it's done something for our image.'

"I feel we're making progress."

"So Dennis, Daphne tells us you work for Delta Medical Research Laboraties."