Amicable Separation Gifts

Toot toot, toosie, Goodbye!

"It was amicable. She got the phones and I got the data plan."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

Separations.

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"No heroic measures."

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

It went even worse than I expected - She got custody of the kids and me.

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

"I care that you care that I care about you caring... but I'm not sure if your caring is enough caring to make up for what I'm not caring enough about."

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."