Amicable Separation Gifts

Toot toot, toosie, Goodbye!

"It was amicable. She got the phones and I got the data plan."

"Agamemnon and Clytemnestra have decided to separate amicably."

"I don't love you. That's it in a nutshell."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"The next dance will be ladies' choice."

He leaves, but soon realizes his roots run too deep.

'Of course I hired Andrew. He's the best divorce lawyer around! Unfortunately, he's also the rat I want to get divorced from...'

Can we talk about our attorney-client relationship?

'You've got Mr & Mrs Smith at 2.00, Mr & Mrs Jones at 2.30, and at 3.00 your wife has made an appointment with a Divorce Lawyer!'

"You'll hear from my lawyer."

'I'm sorry Martha, but I've fallen in love with a light bulb.'

"I'll bet there's a story there."

"I'm leaving you, Steven....It's all there in my text message."

"Oddly enough I'm flattered my wife's attorney thinks I'm so successful."

"His wife and family will decide on the course of treatment, but, as his ex, feel free to open up a few old wounds."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'I've just realised where we went wrong.'

Separations.

"My wife's lawyer doesn't understand me."

"I want out, Laura."

"Three yummies, a pat on the head, and a 'Good doggy.' That's my client's final offer."

''It's me or your stupid racing pigeons' I said - then immediately regretted it.'

"It's my attorney. Have you seen my list of things about you that drive me crazy?"

"While we've got the chance, Dad, we'd like to thank you for these little glimpses of you we've had through the years!"

'The wife says if I don't give up snooker, she's leaving me. . .I'm going to miss her.'

"It's not good, Jack. She's after the house, the condo, custody, half your retirement $ 12,000 a month and she still wants a pound of flesh."

'Darling, this is my ex. You know, the one I said you were twice the man of.'

Warring parents

"In"

"No heroic measures."

"She got the house, six thousand a month and custody of our people."

"I'm not a vindictive person, Charles. When your chickens do come home to roost I hope they're free range chickens."