American Idol Addict Gifts

'Aha! You are addicted to American Idol. You have the voting numbers on speed dial.'

'This has all the makings of a fable. But first lets take lots of tests.'

Overshadowed by the Tony's: Broadway's Lesser Known Awards

Junk art/ food/ tv/ music/ amusements/ novels/ views/ life.

Hi, sweetie! How was the talent show? Did they enjoy your Clay Aiken tribute?

"Not fair! Being really into movies is my thing!"

"Please don't watch this show! There's a viewer trigger warning and a short fuse alert."

'No, you can't just watch the end of Bargainhunt!'

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

"The Master Builder...is that a play by Ibsen, or a YouTube video?"

'... And that's where I'm seeking planning permission to build a secret uranium enrichment plant...'

Do you go for Hannity or O'Reilly? Tough call. O'Reilly's presence is so big, fearless. Whereas Hannity has a wicked fast tongue and such inner strength. As symbolized externally by his jawline. O'Reilly is so tall. Something strange is happening. Coulter's a bit masculine for my tastes. Ditto. HOJ.

Sports Memorabilia: Help wanted-losers need not apply.

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

"Alright, I'll talk. Just please, stop with the good-cop, ab-cop routine."

Love Island

"He didn't slip on even one of those peels..."

'In an unexpected development, an illegal alien won 'American Idol.''

Battle chefs

Chain and Ball music player.

Goose escapes the tv.

'Bad news. Your arm is too injured to hold up those sneakers you endorse on TV.'

"This is too hard, but I'd recognize him on his own."

June Brown

"The doctor's running late. Feel free to catch up on your binge watching with our waiting room TV."

"The DNA does not lie Mrs Miggins...or should I call you Don Escobar Bolivian drugs czar?"

'No. 5, please step forward, open your coat, and say, 'ho, ho, ho.''

Late one night at the SETI project. 'Don't make us come over there!'

"Find something dumb. Really dumb. I'm in the mood."

'We can't get enough of these makeover shows.'

Myleene Klass

'Would you like a complimentary tour of purgatory?' - 'Yeah, okay.' - 'I have to say... it's more comfy than I'd imagined.' - 'Take a seat. Celebrity Big Brother is on.' - 'Oh, hold on. Can I change the channel, please?!' - 'I'll be back in a bit...'

Running With Scissors Marathon

Mouse policeman eats cheese from victim's trap.

"I forget, is this the show with the back stabbing, or the front stabbing?"