Ambiguous Ailment Analyzer Gifts

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

Awkward First Dates

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

Dr. Darrin found her peer review process unnerving.

"I could have gotten to the top . . . but I wasted all my time in the park."

'Well, you have people pox.'

"How is everything, besides the obvious?"

'Next time you apologize, try to do it with no strings attached. String can be very distracting.'

Field hockey injury? A doctor will see you after the football concussion

Job Interview, "This company wants a person who is both ruthless and intelligent but who is also too dumb to want to try for my job."

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"

"I have headaches, stomach, pains, aching muscles, back pains, creaking joints, nausea and dry eyes."

"Well, it's official. The American Dream has become the American Daydream."

"Well, I'm pretty sure I don't have Alzheimer's."

"One BHK, two baths, and sixty three plug points."

"Oh, don't worry about that, it's just the grey area ..."

"I haven't change my New Year's resolutions, just the year I'll do them."

'It seems that he was too optimistic. His glass of water wasn't half full. Obviously, it was completely empty.'

Rejected resumes.

"Somehow I thought the whole thing would be a lot classier!"

'Just as I feared! It's ringworm! You'll have to give up the kids!'

'I only keep kingfish.'

"Bad news: I think I'm having a heart attack. Good news: I'm no longer having an anxiety attack."

"Good God. My wife and my best friend."

"I'm pretty sure I'm a hypochondriac sucking up scarce resources with my imaginary ailments....but I thought I'd come in and get a second opinion."

Royal Wedding Mania

"Give it to me straight. I want the truth. How much will all this set me back?"

"Is there a doctor in the house...preferably in-network?"

Dial 123-SICK and Reach Out to Your Fellow-Hypochondriacs

"You know, Dobson has a tremendous sense of responsibility. He might enjoy taking the blame."

Rudy has asked me to apologize, on his behalf, for your being offended that he may have said you're as old as the supercontinent "Pangea." What kind of weasely apology is that?! He didn

Colds: A man's and a woman's

'Perhaps the letter grading system needs to be overhauled.'