Ambiguity Aficionado Pillows

'We'll be back in an hour. Answer the phone if it rings, Burl.' 'What if it doesn't?'

The Fascinating Language of Ambivalence, Decoded.

"Good" "Bad" "Work on it" "Keep working - maybe it's not as bad as you think it is" "Put it to a committee" "Give up" "Make it worse" "Make it better" "Still a bad idea" "Overthink it" "Throw yourself into a pit of wild badgers" "Throw it away" "Call it done" "Sigh."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

Glance Exchange

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Who's next?"

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

"Valet park only"

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"I wish my Dad would get off my back! It's only been nine years and he wants to know if I've picked a major yet!"

One way only.

Dept of Probability: Maybe, Possibly, Perhaps.

Ship upsidedown in a bottle has rescue boat in bottle next to it.

"It's my helper trout!"

"Remember that time I let you steer the boat and we crashed and had to swim here to die? Remember?"

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"I like fountains very much!"

Fish swimming in a pint of beer.

'You need some stress.'

". . . so a duck walks into a . . ."

"Well, by that logic no one would ever shave a clock onto a monkey."

Man guarding a written border.

"Has it occurred to you one of us might be a mirage?"

"Bad dog!"

"Well, I finally saw a shrink today."

"Phil, could I speak to you for a moment, not as your doctor but as your horse?"

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"How was I supposed to know she was allergic?"

"Am I the party of the first part or the party of the second part?"

'Oh, now that's a nice vase...'

'Oh Great. We just missed the once a millennia bus out.'

Ministry of Common Sense

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