Always Unwell Adventurer Gifts

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

First aid in mountains

"One year closer to college!"

The lame cowboy with spurs on his crutches.

"Well, I've come this close to asking out Sylvia Sanchez. But I'm just an average guy! Nothing about me says 'I'm cool! Look at me!'"

"Car accident? No, I volunteered to hold the rope for the pinata at my son's birthday party!"

"I won't have anything to worry about when I grow up."

3 Pointless Things To Do At Christmas: Add a little festivity to your favourite fast food/Look up an old friend/Murder the Scotch.

Neurotics in the tropics

Women holding onto birds so that her weight seems lower

'It was a rare accident. Lightning struck his bed pan.'

Scales

"I had that dream again where you're writing down all my fears and anxieties and working them into a screenplay."

The Great Pyramid of Geezers

'You made a complete fool of yourself at the party last night...I just hope no one knows you were sober.'

'It's your babysitter, where do you keep your fire extinguisher?'

'Life isn't fair! Most of the stuff I worried about over the years never even happened!'

"Well, I finally saw a shrink today."

Women

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

'I'm sorry, but I haven't understood a word you've babbled since I turned left on red.'

"We can address the underlying problems ... or ... you can keep your head in the sand."

Gerald's first ever date remains on track.

"Is it working?"

'Hurry up and enjoy your life as a pensioner! Three.. Two.. One..'

"OK, here comes Sylvia Sanchez...it's a perfect time to ask her to the homecoming dance."

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

"My lifestyle is empty and meaningless."

Castaway with a tennis court.

'I like your spirit - nine out of ten people would admit roller-disco wasn't for them!'

A large lady is exploring the jungle as two cougars watch on - 'Remember what the doctor said Ralph... regular exercise and no fatty foods!'

Agoraphobic Explorer

"...At what point do hemorrhoids become 'just another hobby?'"

Period Of Transition

"Somewhere along the line the world got a whole lot dorkier."