Alteration Artist Gifts

"Now they're not too long."

Romantic Giraffes

"I appreciate your devices that make it seem like you're paying attention, but could you actually pay attention and make eye contact so I know you are?"

Interpretive napping

"Is that Technical Support? My computer's fine - I just don't know how to operate my chair."

On the internet no one knows you're a nerd.

Artistic license.

I'm just amazed at the difference in you since you started dating Picasso!

"Sit in the car. The doctor will be with you shortly to treat your road rage."

Tate Modern: Turbine Hall

Multitasking

Disued Lighting - Heating - Cooking.

Yoga Class. Ernie, check this out -- The "lotus" position! Looks more like the "low-tush" position!

Casting for Heroes series II.

"My daughter tells me that you work in the entertainment industry?"

Pretzel Co: 'Tell me...why should we hire you?'

Anders Iniesta

Sitting Disorder Clinic.

'Well, Carrie, it's great that you were able to express some of those repressed emotions!'

Now hiring - All positions.

"Look! It came pre-defaced by the artist."

Dobbson's False Doorway Company A man has walked into an actual painted Trompe l'oeil False Doorway and has got knocked out .

"It hurts when I do this ... "

"I said it was INSPIRED by a true story."

National Union of Contortionists: We vote with our feet

Hitching Jesus.

Fishermen with no catches are told that there were lots of fish caught a few days earlier

"It says here that you're a contortionist and since your accident you've not been able to make ends meet."

Freedom.

It had sounded so good, a class where you get to make a cast of your own face.

Contortionist

Tall, Dark, and Handsome chats with Buxom Blonde.

Remember, when life gives you lemons, whine and pout and cry until life can't take it anymore and gives you cookies just to shut you up.

I'm having trouble making ends meet.

"Fancy going on a bender tonight?"