Alpha Philosophers Gifts

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

"One year closer to college!"

"It turns out crows find a bunch of dead crows more frightening than a man made out of hay."

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN! "It was mostly okay, but there's way too much micromanagement!"

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

Questions

Life after death

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'All dogs have 4 legs. Tabby has 4 legs. But I'm just a kid, so I don't have to think logically.'

"I went back to warn them, but they already knew and didn't seem to care."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

'Look at him out there... so cold, so distant. Why do I always fall for the bad boys?'

Macho man body building club.

"It's always a good time to have a good time!"

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"I attempted to circumvent the traditional trappings of a teen furlough...but I was thwarted by my czar-ish parental unit."

"You'll get over him."

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"What do you mean, we don't have an 'exit strategy'?!"

Tom's last day.

War on drugs... war on terror... war on lima beans.

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

Dept. de Philosophie

Once entangled, clashing male doctors usually die a slow death by starvation.

'I may charge a lot but you get much more through me. I'm a psychic large.'

"You forgot to adjust your hilling discs again, didn't you?"

"Time travel is real, but only forward and very slowly."

Think we knew each other in a past life, Randy? I don't believe in past lives. In fact, I don't believe in the past. Or the future I don't even believe in right now. Everyone remembers the past differently. Everyone imagines the future differently. Everyone even disagrees about what's happening right now. So who's to say tomorrow what you and I did tonight? ... Sorry, that's Randy's line #42. Reflex. Wait, let me write that down.

"See, the problem with doing things to prolong your life is that all the extra years come at the end, when you're old."