Alpha Mindset Enthusiast Gifts

"Many of you were confused about the 'Randy's how to be an alpha' lesson from yesterday: 'live like you've got nothing left to lose'."

"Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool?"

'Let me guess - you lost a fight against a young challenger who has now replaced you as the company's alpha male!'

"Young Montague's full of himself."

"Come on, we all know you're the new Alpha Male: No need to rub it in by wearing a badge..."

Macho man body building club.

Human males marking territory.

I think you started off sending him the wrong message when you named him Alpha.

And make sure my daughter is back by 10pm: You really don't want to see me angry!

"Everybody in the whole damn household is alpha."

Once entangled, clashing male doctors usually die a slow death by starvation.

"I hate shaking hands with him, he always squeezes as hard as he can!"

"Depressed and anxious by time flying past? Be positive, think how much faster it would go if you were enjoying yourself."

'Okay, alpha doggie, go delegate someone to fetch.'

'Where it asks, 'head of household'. . . who is it. . . you or Marmaduke?'

Top Dog

'Watch your step. I happen to know you're an alpha male.'

"Alpha Male."

"To be an alpha male, little buddy, you've got to live like you've got nothing left to lose."

I'm BAD deal with it

"That's right - I'm talking to you."

Half Full/Half Empty

Born leader

Today's alpha-lesson is called "Always Jujutsu the Suspense." If someone says "I've got a great idea" and then pauses to create suspense, that's a power-move. They want you to beg them to continue. The alpha counter-move in this case is simple. Use the suspense-monger's suspense against them: say absolutely nothing.* *This move should never ever be applied in the boudoir.

Think I'll be a more effective alpha male if I learn to play pool? That's one of those things you always see an alpha male do: Stand around a pool hall polishing his stick and racking up the balls … sizing up his shot, like he's secretly a geometric wizard who's about to make the whole world line up the way he wants it to with just one whack. Or maybe I should take up darts, where I myself become an extension of the missile I'm launching. Any sport in the bar family works.

I'm announcing the debut of my new manual: "Randy's Movie-Watching for Alphas." Chapter One: The critics are all wrong

Armstrong fired me. I kind of wish I knew why. Who cares why? A real alpha doesn't let himself get fired, little buddy. What you should've done was fire your boss before he had a chance to fire you. That way, thoughts of everything he'd lose would flood his brain and there's a 48.7% chance he'd actually beg you to stay. Isn't that the same number from your book "From Dump-ee to Beg-ee"? Work, romance ... it doesn't matter. All the relationships are the same.

Many of you were confused about the "Randy's How to be an Alpha" lesson from yesterday: "Live like you've got nothing to lose." You know what? I don't care. If you don't get it, that's on you. If you want to hang out with the big dog, either keep up or get left behind. I hope that demonstration clears up the confusion. If not, I couldn't care less.

"I don't care if you're an alpha male now! I'm still your mother and you'll do as you're told! Got it?!"

"He was the lifeguard at the gene pool."

The four personality types. Optimistic. Pessimistic. Cautiously optimistic. Cautiously pessimistic.

'The glass is neither half empty nor half full, Hargrove. The glass is too large.'

'A real Alpha-Female hey? Me, I am more of a D-minus male...'

In obedience school, he was the alpha male.

'Steve is our top salesperson. His secret is spending time visualizing success before he comes to work.'