Alien Encounter Humorist Gifts

What's your most calming drink? I'd say the hot cocoa. Why? Oh, it's nothing. We'll ... You sound like you want to talk about it. Well ... Here's the thing: I was just abducted by a UFO. You were what? Yeah. They were green. Each one had two heads, and they were really, really interested in having nookie with me. Are you serious? Yeah. Until I opened my mouth. The more I spoke, the less interested they seemed. Really? They were still going to probe me ... I was all strapped in an

An astronaut with a little alien drilling into his helmet.

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

'Look at that! Peanuts!'

Alien Assumption

"Don't be sad, Bud. These decisions are so political."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

"My world is Tribeca, lars, and yours is a different world."

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"Word has it Earthlings have been using some of our people for cruel scientific experiments."

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

EARTH DAY. Whatever.

New York Stock Exchange. Wall St. To err is human, but this is ridiculous!

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

Pentagon Science Contest: 'It's already an intergalactic spaceship that was sent here over a million years ago.'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Moon's Portaloo.

'We've been picking up your radio broadcasts- You must be Fibber McGee and Molly'

'Good evening! I'm the Abduction Admin Consultant.'

The Moon Falls Out of the Sky.

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

"Captain, can you come to the transporter room please?!"

Planetary Invasion Supplies Store - Abduct Tape.

"Yes. I'm 100% sure it's your turn for a moonwalk."

Golfer watches alien space ship.

Actually, I think you looked better with Atlantis.

'No! Wait! -- You don't understand!'

'Russian scientists have determined where the meteorite than injured 1000 people came from. Thet say, 'It's not from around here.''

After our sun sheds the last of its energy and collapses in on itself... ...after the solar systems degraded, their planets flung out and consumed... And after those billions of stars in their billions of galaxies are all slowly snuffed out one by one... ...and after the last of the supermassive black holes evaporates... A single last question will remain, drifting through the long, cosmic dark... To renew your universe, please update your payment details.