Alien Humorist Gifts

"On what planet do you imagine this would be funny?"

"Word has it Earthlings have been using some of our people for cruel scientific experiments."

"Good Lord! Life on Mars...adorable life on Mars!"

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

"The universe is expanding! Of course I'm expanding too!"

Earthlings, show us your sporting interests. This is golf. Hit the ball with the club. This is tennis. Hit that ball with the racket. This is volleyball. Hit that ball with your hand. Hitting, hitting, hitting. It's all so violent. How do you relax? We hit the hot tub.

"Before vaporizing this one, we need to file an environmental impact report."

'Mayday! Mayday! I'm in the drink!'

"Remember when we kicked him off Mars?"

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.

'Flight simulator'

'Tell me this - did you have this condition before you sat in the jacuzzi for 100 million years?'

"Every abductee gets a souvenir mug."

Mars probe discovers life similar to earth.

'Six years ago you received a complimentary set of steak knives. You thought they were free didn't you Jimmy?...'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'...it's some distance away - but there are lots of 'em and they're edible.'

Astronaut: Pay and Display Only

Control Center. A satellite is falling! Tell NASA to divert it so it doesn't hit North Africa. Good golly, Miss Mali!

EARTH DAY. Whatever.

If aliens' first contact is with a dad...

"We'd love to stay longer, but we have to go. Give this to the tabloid press. It explains everything!"

'Can you believe it? - This hayseed doesn't even know which GALAXY we're in!'

Close encounters of the turd kind...

New York Stock Exchange. Wall St. To err is human, but this is ridiculous!

C'mon, help me out! Which rock do you think my kids would like better?

'Ms Grimski, prepare to invade earth.'

'Last time I share-house with a Wookie!'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

Moon's Portaloo.

"The Webb telescope can look FAR back in time to before things were a bit s**t!"

Small laughing space creatures.

Hedge of two moo cows