Algorithmic Trader Gifts

"Oh, just sitting back and letting algorithms do all the stock trading."

Late Stage Capitalism and the Biosphere Engage in Some Meaningful Dialogue...

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'Wavering between being bullish or bearish'

"Hello, son. I suppose chicken farming doesn't seem so bad now."

"My tariffs will move the world in a new direction!!"

"Until we get a bigger chart, we're estimating it's now about up to here."

I was trying to day trade my way through business school, but then the stock market tanked.

'Don't tell me how much you love me. Tell me how my stock is going.'

US dollar perched on fragile house of cards.

Chinese stock market

Hedge Fund: Our 'Swaps' which mimic stocks, were voted #1 derivative of the year!

'Superstock'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

'These latest figure are encouraging...'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides simulated hand holding when the market is down.'

'Now let's proceed downstairs and see where our stock shares presently sits,'

Out of control

"I feel I'm doing fine. My sense of net worth is way up this quarter."

'Basically it's a stock that if a chain of near miraculous events would happen to occur, you'd make a bundle.'

'I'm afraid the stock price gods are not happy Ralph.'

Shares Nosedive

'Some think we economic forecasters speak a lot of Mumbo Jumbo'

'Doesn't bother me. All my money is in carbon-cleanup technologies.'

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

"That was a rumor day."

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

Circa 1490: The area we now know as Wall Street.

"How will you be paying? Crypto, Venmo, electronic fund transfer, credit card, check, cash, precious metals, brightly colored shells or livestock?"

'I actually look forward to hibernating during bull markets.'

Pound sign in an hourglass.

'It's not fair! I wanna save the Earth from asteroids and aliens! All daddy wants to do is sell 1,000 shares of stock!'

'Well, okay. So we almost bankrupted the country. But we've managed to make a slight profit thanks to the government bail out package, so who can possibly deny us a fat bonus this year?'

"Have you heard something that the rest of us don't know about?"