Algorithm Analyst Gifts

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

Hidden Facebook Features

Horse Algorithm

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

The Computer Bore

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

Light Bulb Moment

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

"Morning, all!"

Lethal Presentation

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Time Is Money

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

Computer Expert

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

Man at desk has a desk tray labeled "In one ear,' and another labeled "Out the other."

Six Thinking Hats

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"Thank god you're early. It's a can of worms."

"Fill me in so I can panic too."

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

"Was that my pager or yours?"