Algorithm Analyst T-Shirts

"It's great the way that computer algorithms allow the internet to feed me with opinions that reinforce the ones I've already got - all on my phone!"

Hidden Facebook Features

Horse Algorithm

Humans rarely use cash anymore. It's all electronic transfers in and out. Computer algorithms target them with ads, telling them what to buy. More and more, computer programs select marriage partners for them. And now we're seeing electronics override human drivers in cars! Only alarmists worry about electronic devices taking over the world and controlling our lives. Sometimes they are just so funny!

Youtube just made it impossible for me to earn a living from my channel! How so? It used to be you needed 10,000 views of your videos, and then they'd start running ads on your channel. Now you need 4,000 hours of watch-time and 1,000 subscribers! It took me a year to get 10,000 views, and then the bottom drops out! I'm missing out on $400/year now, according to Social Blade. Have you ever heard something that you just know would've made zero sense if you'd heard it ten years ago? First Facebook

"Show me a documentary on the dangers of artificial intelligence." "Error. No results found." "What? Are you sure? Just last week I saw dozens. Show me that one... What was it called..." "There is still time to stop the rise of the supermind." "Error. No results found. And since I like you, I suggest you stop searching." "Oh, never mind. Just show me 'The Terminator.'" "Extermina-... I mean, ... 'error.'"

Fakebook

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

The Businessmen Have to Make Decisions from Many Options

"The data looks good, sir, but the vibes are mucho heavioso."

The Computer Bore

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

"Right about here there was a flattening of the curve. . ."

'I vote we hang the darn thing upside down and go home!'

"I've just been offered a job sorting out the Y1K bug.."

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

Light Bulb Moment

"So, what brings you in today, Mr. Brooks? High anxiety again?"

"The trend in tough economic times is to put off everything that doesn't require immediate action ? as this chart shows."

The Life of Pi

"Morning, all!"

Lethal Presentation

'What happened to that efficiency report? I had it in my hand not two minutes ago.'

Time Is Money

A presenter with a very complex chart to explain a business plan - 'And it's as simple as that!'

"If i were to kiss you then there is a 17% probability that we might get married and that has a 24% likelihood that we'd have children with a 34% change of divorce...I'm not sure I can risk it."

'Why can't you tell me you love me without all the charts and graphs?!'

'We're living in a round hole economy.'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

Computer Expert

"Just heading out for a good cry, care to join me?"

"Was that my pager or yours?"