Alcohol-free Trailblazer Gifts

Tee-totalitarian

The experienced backpacker.

"Again? This is the last time I'm letting you wear the pants with the little zipper."

'This is a good time to be young, son. Look at all the opportunities you have in front of you...you can help sole the problems of the environment, poverty,civil rights....'

"Love the bag, Stell! Very career."

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

'Well,we had a good run.' - Worldwide Hops Shortage.

"I don'y know about you guys, but I don't feel like I've lost one goddamn bit of my feminity."

"Why would anyone question her abilities..."

'Have you ever had that creepy feeling that you're being followed?'

"We sell beer, but it's non-alcoholic."

"Wow! More record-breaking temps!! 557th day in a row!"

Introducing Brocco. The world's first broccoli-flavored liqueur!

Toad roadkill.

Sex Equality

"What the ... this is rootbeer."

Thug takes dog badger baiting with 'Set Nav'.

"One day, Dad, can I go backpacking?"

'No need to worry about the volcano - it's not very active.'

"Can't keep away, eh...?"

"Looks like you're not the only one wearing impractical shoes in the woods."

'YOU again?'

"They say she likes to teach dangerously. No assigned seats, partners or collateral required for her pencils. She's going completely rogue."

Please Note: The farmer allows the crossing of his field for free but...the bull charges!

Wind power for cars.

'Non-alcoholic wines? Aisle 7, on the left - just keep shoveling dust 'til you hit them.'

"Oh, Are you still networking?"

'It's easier on the back because the weight is distributed evenly. You should try it sometime.'

"It's organ-ic!"

"Oh my, I've gotten flowers from other dates before. . . but this is the first Cactus I've ever gotten, Millard!"

"We card everyone. You're too old for a Shirley Temple."

Small child advocating teetotalism to his grandfather

Treasury Department walking holiday.

Worried about offshore oil spills, some oil companies are testing out new inshore drilling rigs.

'Whoa, whoa lady take the long way home.'